I had my first kiss, my first romantic date, my first real hand holding, my first real boyfriend.
I did a lot of things with him that i have never done before (not including sex) and now he has become my first ex boyfriend.

The break up occured, due to the fact that i can't find that special feeling that i'm looking for. What is this special feeling you might ask that i am looking for? I don't know myself. It's just a feeling that I will know when i find it. I've only experienced this feeling once in my life with one guy, but we never ended up together. And when we began to drift apart, i felt like my heart was being ripped apart into 2 pieces, like someone had taken it and stomped on it.

I had never felt any pain as bad as that.
A heart break, I think that was my first love.

When i started to date my current, i was unsure as to what my feelings were towards him, all i know was that i was interested in him. Did i date him out of curiosity where i tricked myself into thinking i rlly rlly liked him, or was there rlly that special feeling there.

I am unsure of this answer, but to this day i can say this which is that the feeling had for him were not as nearly as strong as i had it before.

When the break up occured and to the point where he texted me the last text saying after this don't expect anything from me. I had not shed one single tear. However after receiving that text, my heart began to ache, i began to feel depression.

I knew then i did indeed have feelings for him, however it was not love that i felt for him, but there were still feelings there. It just it had not reached to that point.

But the pain that I had felt for him was not the same as the one before the one before was 100 times more painful than this.

I had asked myself, if we had tried to get to know each other slower rather than trying to tell everything about out selves at once, would we have lated longer. If we had taken it even slowler would it have lasted longer?

If we were not meant to be than why were we put together in the first place. Was it fate that we met and ended up together? If it was then it is really unfair.
Fate had played a terrible game on us, putting two people that were not meant to be together together, had caused them a friendship.

And now i dont even know if we can stay friends.

I think that he might hate me for life.

I not only lost a boyfriend by a good friend in the process too.

"Curiosity killed the cat" Due to my curiosity on relationships i killed a friendship.

Does everything happen for a reason? Or is it just a coincidence?

**~*AsIaNgIrL92*~**